I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
