We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
