allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
