Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
