The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
