So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I believe in your delicious
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
