actually, I'm a sock model
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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