Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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