turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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