dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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