Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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