Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
