Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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