PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
