I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
