I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
