Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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