Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
