Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
