the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
