I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
