i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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