Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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