people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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