I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
