my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
