I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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