i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
