I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
