life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
