i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.