If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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