I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
