Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you have to choose: penises or morals?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
