Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
