You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
