the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
