I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
