Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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