the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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