The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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