Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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