i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
