You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
