i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
