I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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