I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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