god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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