I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
