I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
