Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
