I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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