yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
