wanna go halves on a baby?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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