I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
