Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
