sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
