I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
