im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think my vagina is haunted
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
