Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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