he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
