census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
