So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
