i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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