I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
