I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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