Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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