So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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