his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
