then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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