you traded sex for a burrito?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The uberlube is also flammable
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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