I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
