Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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