is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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