I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
