i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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