Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
